It’s a new year and everyone is feeling a bit of motivation for manifesting a new start. Zephyr’s message in this podcast is a focus on encouraging us all to look at our past and recognise our experience and how it has become helpful or has hindered our evolution and our ability to move forward. A meditation to set the tone for a four-part lecture and practice that will welcome you into a new year of self reflection and purification.
The brief meditation at the start of this podcast is a great way to prepare yourself to plant seeds of purpose and help reduce seeds of suffering that have been planted through your own experiences throughout your life. The clarity to our path forward is often blurred by experience and our reactions to life are just that, reactions. Use this meditation anytime you want to comeback to these themes and practices of self-reflection and moving through life with purpose. Whenever you find yourself reacting rather than responding to life’s obstacles, come back to this practice and work on continuing to build skills that help you see life more clearly and navigate through it.
Zephyr has shared the slides from this lecture with you below, so when you have time you can follow along with her.
I am so excited to collaborate with Tresanton Hotel in offering a special week long get away with Yoga & beach walking around the Cornish Coast line. Have a look at this unique getaway click here to see photos and to book click here.
Dates: Monday 4th-Friday 8th November 2018
Single Occupancy: TBC contact Tresanton Directly
Double Room Occupancy: TBC contact Tresanton Directly
2 hours of energising vinyasa yoga in the morning and 1.5 hours of restorative yoga every evening with Zephyr Wildman.
Four nights of accommodation in the Tresanton. There are 4 dog friendly rooms available at the hotel if you want to bring your dog, these will be subject to an additional charge of £25. Room 1 has a terrace and Room 31 has its own garden.
Delicious breakfast, vegetarian lunch and dinner with a focus on fish/chicken.
With Zephyr Wildman
1 January 2019, 15:00–18:00
£35 earlybird until 27 Dec, £40 thereafter
Our unique human ability to self-reflect is one thing that sets us apart from all other sentient beings. The continual evolution of our consciousness to be awakened (for those seeking it) to that which is behind life itself is a wonder for us as humans philosophically, spiritually and cognitively. Gives a new sense to the expression; “may wonders never cease”.
This New Years workshop will call upon our past experiences to inform our present, honouring those who supported us along the way. We will enter practices that promote that evolution by “burning” that which impedes us from growing forward in our lives. We will draw on the teachings of Tantra that increase our capacity to acquire energy to positively affect all aspects of our lives.
– Asana to strengthen our vessel.
– Pranayama to build our vital force.
– Yoga Nidra to heal and nurture.
– Meditation to open us to the boundless reservoir towards inspiring our potential for awakening.
We will call upon the 3 fold process of Kriya Yoga as the blueprint to promoting purification, self-reflection and establishing a relationship to Ishvara/the Divinity of your understanding. This New Year we will plant seeds of purpose and reduce the seeds of suffering thus actualising the light of knowledge within you, as you, working for you and with you to wake you up to It’s presence in everything.
“There is a light, that lights the whole world. It radiates absolute truth, boundless will, skill in action and is the source of all knowledge”
Truth – Satya
Will/Desire – Iccha Shakti
Action – Karma
Knowledge – Vidya
Awaken – Bodhi
Bhuta Shuddhi/5 Elements practice in asana, pranayama, yoga nidra and meditation.
Grief is a part of love. It hurts because we love. And just as we fall in love and want to share it with everyone, social media, weddings and parties… our grief too wants to be expressed. However, in today’s society we find it hard to know how to express grief, support those who are grieving and find tools to help us bare what is ours to carry as nothing will ever fix or solve our grief. Grief is a natural and healthy reaction to loss. When we experience loss, grief fills our life with darkness. This darkness never goes way, we just learn how to expand our life around the darkness.
In order to illustrate this point, for a moment I would like you, the reader, to call upon an experience of grief in your life. The story, the people involved, the unfolding of events that happened as a result of your loss. Notice as you recall these memories how you feel. Where do you feel it? What are the sensations? Sharp, numb, heavy, churning? What are the emotions? Fear, anger, helplessness, sadness, longing? Notice, without trying to change anything, what are you unwilling to feel? What are the words, thoughts? This isn’t fair! Why me? Why them? Now what? Thoughts will come up like; It’s going to feel like this forever. I can’t do this. Recognise and acknowledge with openness and kind curiosity these thoughts when your story is felt. Allow the hurt to untangle itself in this moment. Don’t try to change anything, allow it a canvas to express itself, to be heard, seen and felt. Be the loving witness to your heartache.
There are many tools to help with managing our grief. Talking to support groups, therapists or using art and writing are some of the ways in which we can creatively express grief. I manage grief through yoga and meditation. The Asanas of physically moving my body to release some of the build up of sensation or awakening the feelings by creating sensation is a useful method of encouraging the hurt to untangle. While seated practices and guided meditation help me find more resilience by allowing me to tend to my grief with more understanding, compassion and faith.
In my story of grief, I need anchors or objects to hold me down and embrace me when I feel overwhelmed and broken. A few things I use are my Mala beads to focus my attention and perform Japa, which is repetition of a mantra. This practice is to absorb the meaning of the mantra and create discipline of the mind to directing the message of the mantra. I have also found that listening to my teachers’ voices in meditation is an amazing way of tending to grief. The wisdom of my teachers connects me to the reservoir of light, love and faith felt in seeking to connect to the spirit in my very human experience of living with loss.
Finally another anchor I used in the past, and this is by no means for everyone, was a method of symbolically declaring the severance of the karmic ties that tethered me to my past. I got a tattoo (I know, so cliche) of a massive dorje on my back as a permanent reminder, a permanent mark representing the power I possess alighting my journey forward with diamond-thunderbolt luminosity to manifest my hearts prayers.
There are many means of finding these anchors or creating sensation to manage grief. We use objects, prayer and rituals to manage the unmanageable events we face in our lives. We all find ways in coping; some constructive, some destructive.
Two Parables of Grief
One of my favourite stories relating to grief comes from the Theravada tradition of Buddhism. The story of Kisa Gotami, who lived during the time when Buddha was alive. It was said that her young son died as a baby. She was so devastated she went door to door desperately asking her neighbours to give her medicine to bring her baby back to life. One of her neighbours suggested she go see the Buddha and ask him as it was known that he reached enlightenment/nirvana and could help her. She went to plead with the Buddha to bring her dead son back to life. He instructed her to go back into the village and collect a mustard seed from each home that had not been touched by death. With those seeds he would create the medicine to bring her son back to life. With this new found incentive and hope, she rushed back to each home of the village asking each occupant for a mustard seed. During her quest however, each of the people she encountered told stories of how they were touched by death themselves stating “the living are few, but the dead are many.” As she continued her quest to collect these mustard seeds she realised that everyone has a story of loss and the universality of death. As she realised the impermanence of life, her grief was calmed and she buried her son. Kisa returned back to the Buddha, confessed of her findings and entered the first stage of enlightenment, that to be born is to suffer due to change, illness, ageing and death; the first Noble Truth. From then on, Kisa became the first woman disciple of Buddha, studying the remaining Noble Truths and the 8 fold path of Buddhism.
This second parable comes from an Arab Folktale called “The Bedouin’s Gazelle”; A man and his son go out hunting together and an accident occurs. His son gets hit by a gazelle and dies. The man wraps his son up in a cloth and brings him home to his wife. To soften the devastating news, he informs his wife that he brought back a gazelle from the hunt and to cook it she will have to borrow a pot from a neighbour that has never known sorrow. She goes to every home in the village, finding no one who has not been touched by sorrow. She returns to her husband stating, “There are no pots that have not cooked a meal of sorrow.” With this the man unwrapped his parcel and showed his wife their dead son saying, “It is our turn to cook meals of sorrow, for this is my gazelle.”
Though our stories of grief may be different, we all know what it feels like to feel loss, hurt, longing, sadness, anger and grief. We all have stories of loss from minor to major. Not all grief is the same. The loss of a child is different to the loss of a parent. The loss of a relationship is different to the death of partner. It is hard not to get competitive with our stories of grief. I am not trying to create a “Grief Olympics” by telling my stories, but by telling my stories of loss, I hope to soften the edges of separateness and see that we can come together to learn how to hold our stories with more compassion for ourselves and others.
My Story of Grief
My story (well, stories really, again its not a competition!) of loss are complicated and not straightforward. My husband of 12 years who I shared having 2 daughters with, relapsed on heroin after being clean for 13 years. It took him a year and a half to get clean again entering a treatment centre for 3 months. Five days from returning home clean and sober he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that metastasised in his brain, lungs and liver. The doctors immediately started him on a daily dose of morphine as his prognosis was not months, but maybe weeks to live.
The reality of his situation unraveled his sobriety and he went on using everything and anything he could get his hand on until he physically died 9 months later. The doctors told me his body continued to live, long past when it should have given up, for the drugs he ingested.
He died in my eyes and heart three times. The first time he died was when he relapsed, then, when he was diagnosed with cancer and finally when he left this earth on the 8th of January, 2012. The complexity of my story is that I was left with so much anger, rage even. Unlike some of the stories of my friends that were in love with their partners when they passed, my story felt so dark. The condolences and lovely messages from those who loved and adored my husband felt like knives stabbing me, diminishing the trauma of what my girls and I lived through watching the mess and wake of an addict’s destruction upon our lives. It took me 6 years to work through the anger and trauma to reach a true place of celebrating the love I had shared with my late-husband. His beauty, talent and charm that was lost in my life and in my girl’s lives.
At the funeral, attended by hundreds of fans, friends, and admirers all the platitudes and condolences I received from others made my blood boil, hardened my heart and made me feel resentment with everyone who was trying to comfort or fix me. I heard; “This has all happened for a reason”, “This will make you stronger”, “This too shall pass” and in my line of work being a Yoga teacher “This is your karma.” All these sayings have truth in their meaning, however, said to a grieving person can bring shame and guilt that we aren’t grieving the right way. I didn’t need this to happen for me to feel strong, learn lessons or understand my spirituality.
Grief in Our Time
I feel as a culture we don’t know how to support someone grieving. I find myself today, knowing what I know, being racked with helplessness when I hear my friend’s husband has just died of a heart attack, or that my client just gave birth to a still born, or of my client’s loss of his unborn baby and his wife to brain cancer, my friend’s child being diagnosed with autism, my client’s teenager cutting herself, suffering with anorexia and attempting suicide. The stories of sorrow are everywhere, however we just don’t get taught the tools to cope with such pain.
The images of smiling, happy and prosperous people are everywhere we look. Movies, social media (the highlight reels of our lives), advertisements perpetuated by a culture that encourages a fake reality and imposes that if you are not living up to this ideal that there is something wrong and that something wrong is YOU. This feeling that we aren’t getting over our loss quick enough, feeling better fast enough and jumping back on the conveyor belt of ‘normal’ to appease other’s discomfort that you are causing them, sets the griever up for more isolation and depression.
Trying to pretend that everything is okay creates suffering. Resisting the emotions and grief to be expressed creates suffering. We need to find ways to express our grief in productive ways, to be seen, heard, validated and felt with more kindness, compassion and love.
I haven’t found anyone who has been able to fix, solve or get over their loss. I have found ways in getting to know myself and how to tend to my grief in ways that draw me closer to love, peace and acceptance. My life today has expanded around my grief. I still carry it, however, I have better tools to be able to tend to it when it needs to speak. I also have been given more patience, understanding and empathy to those who have been touched by loss themselves. I am not an expert, qualified with credentials or a professional grief therapist. I am a Yoga and Meditation Teacher who has found ways of holding grief through these practices and I want to share the techniques with others in hope that it helps soothe the wounds, opening moments of serenity, contentment and peace.
Two Techniques for Grief Management
I would like you to do an exercise to help recognise what happens when we deny our grief from expressing itself:
- Call up your grief. See the story of your loss. The people, feelings and fall out to what has happened to you.
- Start a steady stream of no, no, no, No, No, No.
- Notice what happens physically, mentally and energetically when saying no to your grief. Tightening, constricting, hardening, shaming, denying. NO, NO, NO. Imagine if you did this all day, for a week, months, years.
Now shake that off and recall your grief again. The same story, people and feelings.
- Now direct yes, yes, yes, Yes, Yes, Yes to the experience.
- Notice the unique difference within the physical, mental and energetic encounter to YES, YES, YES. How you are able to create more space for what is yours to carry. How it becomes more bearable.
Can you imagine every time you have the spike of grief arise in your day you are able to say Yes, Yes, Yes giving it the permission to be felt with more care, attention and equanimity.
As Tara Brach, a Buddhist Psychologist, calls it; “attend and befriend.” This is a meditation that can be done in any moment when we feel the ‘should’s’ creeping in. “I should be over this by now” “I should be better” “I should be grieving like them” .
Another technique the teachings suggest is learn how to ‘surf’ the waves of emotions.
- Imagine you are in a clear, blue ocean. As you look along the surface you see a few big waves heading towards you. The first few are waves of fear.
- As they approach, feel the feeling, inhale dive into the fear wave and exhale on the other side. Do this a few more times.
- The second waves are of sadness. Inhale, dive into the sadness wave and exhale when you come out the other side.
- The third set of waves is of longing. Inhale, dive into the longing and exhale on the other side. Notice with every experience, you develop a sense of skill in surfing the waves of your emotions. The space between the waves become longer, the waves smaller and eventually there is a calm as you bathe in the residue of effort in the sea of serenity that holds you with more care and ease.
One final note; I have been working on a meditation project dealing with grief on a downloadable App platform for a few months now. Its just been launched! I collaborated with Silatha Journey, a mediation App that provides many different guided meditations for those seeking to further their meditation practice. Silatha is also a Spiritual Jewellery company and has some stunning pieces of jewellery available as objects (less painful than a tattoo) to help anchor one’s attention to the complexity one can feel when overwhelmed with grief. I helped design one of the pieces (Its a double dorje) and it is offered as part of the meditation download “Embracing Grief”. Have a look yourself and share it with someone you might feel could benefit.
To receive a 10% discount from Silatha for a limited time click here.
How to tend to loss and move forward with clarity and positivity
Join leading Yogi Zephyr Wildman and former Corporate Business Leader turned Meditation disciple and entrepreneur, Veroniek Vermuelen, founder of spiritual jewellery brand Silatha for a unique event to celebrate the launch of a limited edition jewellery collection and dedicated 21 meditation programme.
With a special focus on the subject of letting go of grief and how to live with the consequences of loss, this event will showcase the new limited range of Silatha jewellery designed by Zephyr and Veroniek containing specialised gemstones with specific characteristics to help us navigate through grief and loss.
Over the course of the event you’ll hear from Zephyr who has first hand experience of dealing with issues such as death and loss and you’ll discover how yoga and meditation have been instrumental in helping her to heal and live a full and happy life. Silatha founder Veroniek, will share her experience of how meditation has changed her life and inspired her to create a gorgeous jewellery brand, meditation app and personal journal to encourage others to grow and transform their lives through daily meditation.
There will be a short guided meditation with Zephyr as well as plenty of time to purchase the alluring new range of jewellery. You will also have the opportunity to experience the new meditation app for yourselves and there will be a special prize draw to win a fantastic gift.
Click below to book the upcoming events.
Creating a bit of heat in our practice this week requires a balance that can be brought with a smile. Sounds simple enough, but being present in the moment often requires that we find a bit of dis-comfort and at the same time find, define and nurture our intention for our practice.
In this Slow-Flow session Zephyr will remind you how being on the mat can be a practice in “being here now” which is a lesson we can all take graciously and use off the mat in our everyday lives. Engaging with those around us, our family, friends or our colleagues and our children is not always the easiest to maintain a meaningful presence. This practice will help with life’s discomforts and give you the tools to be more present and allow you to give and receive a more meaningful and present interaction with life and those you engage with (including yourself!).
A focused breath, a gentle downward gaze and a slight Buddha smile is all it takes.
As a Yogi, we are all working to to find stillness. It is in fact the definition of Yoga (contrary to the popular belief of many of my contortionist colleagues). The whole reason the modern day Yogi movement is such a popular and well populated movement is because when we get the message, when we (sometimes just for a fleeting second) lose ourselves and enter the presence of the moment it tends to feel really, really good and we look for it again. When we find the presence, we can navigate the rest of our day and take the lessons from that experience with us. The hard part, however, is getting to the presence.
In this podcast Zephyr lets us all in on a little secret to help bring a bit more presence to our practice. She describes how skillful movement whilst being present is not rushed and is certainly not anticipating the next pose. 108 Sun Salutations can bring discipline, but rarely does it bring presence. It takes a Buddha smile and an intention on letting go of what you stepped on to the mat with. Only then can you step off the mat with a clearer presence and be ready to face the day “here and now”.
NEW Yoga & Meditation Classes, as well as Yoga Retreats & Adventures!
To read more, click here.
Azaren 25-30th March, 2019
Yoga and Meditation twice a day, massage & hammam treatments available, sun & pool, hikes & cycling, good food and all of this resting in the most heavenly place. Pure bliss!
We had so much fun last year on our Cycle-Yoga-Hiking holiday we are back again this year to bring you even more adventure and surprises. Azaren is an incredible base for all of our activities and the Yoga-Cycle warm up in the morning and Yoga-Cycle-unravel in the afternoon is nourishing and invigorating. Located at the base of the Atlas Mountains, Azaren is perfect for breathtaking views, challenging bike terrain and awe-inspiring hikes.
To book, contact: email@example.com
Azaren is located 30 kms south of Marrakesh in the beautiful Ourika Valley. It’s airport benefits from excellent connections both with low cost and regular airlines. It is a luxurious private residence that is all ours for the six days of the retreat. Spring in Morocco is warm in the day-time and cool at night. It is the perfect time to be outside cycling or practicing Yoga. Cycling is as challenging or as easy as you wish and if you are not a cyclist but your friend/partner is we have priced the trip accordingly. Every effort will be expended to keep you comfortable and safe whilst out riding or practicing Yoga. Prepare to sleep well and rejuvenate, tapping in to the serenity and elation that comes with moving your body and being in good company.
Yoga- what to expect
- Two sessions daily morning and afternoon in an indoor/outdoor purpose built yoga studio
- Yoga, meditation and theory lectures, all props and mats provided
- Cyclists can participate in daily Yoga as each day’s ride will end before the afternoon yoga session. Great way to stretch tired muscles
Hiking-what to expect
- Breathtaking views across the Ourika Valley. Hiking trails through the foothills of the snow capped peaks of the High Atlas Mountains
- A 3-4 hour max hike with a gradual ascent
- lunch prepared by Berber locals
Cycling- what to expect
- Well maintained road bikes with all the accessories (we’re not talking’ Cervelo P5X’s here, but they will get you down the road). Hi-Performance road bikes (Carbon frames) available for those avid-cyclists. E-bikes available for those who might be a bit intimidated by the hills.
- Daily routes designed for group abilities. Average rides will be anywhere from 25km-75km depending on level of group. Rides will start in the morning and can end in time to meet the group for lunch back at Azaren.
- More challenging options for those avid cyclists keen on conquering the Atlas (100+km loops with routes of 1600m+ vertical gain)
- Cyclists should be of recreational to avid cycler ability. Beginners might want to stick to Yoga and Hiking on this holiday.
- E-cycles are available if hills aren’t your thing.
- Full van support with food, water, directions, encouragement.
- Full bicycle mechanical support if needed (you won’t have to change a tyre should it go flat!)